To Delete or Not to Delete...the Evidence of My Consternation

The past few weeks have been really difficult for me in terms of writing. Actually, they have been horrible. Here are just a few reasons:

1. I accidentally/ my computer deliberately deleted a 30 page chapter of my in-progress-novel; consequently, it was one of my favorite chapters with innovative characters and developments that I could not possibly recreate. I looked everywhere for it...in the recycle bin, in folders hidden in far away galaxies, in my email sent box, in back-up. It's gone. I cried half the night. I ate chocolate and Dr. Pepper. I printed the majority of my 4th draft to make myself feel like I've accomplished something. It was sad. R.I.P. chapter 27-scene.

2. This blog has been on hold for a while. I've been so busy with school, with the demands of others. I got lazy. Worst of all, I began to wonder, who would want to read Lynn's opinions on writing, anyway? What credentials do I have? I stink at writing. Would this blog even help advertise my writing career? Will anyone ever read my posts? How many posts do I need before I can post my link under the comment section on my favorite blogs? 10? 100? 1000?

3. I failed to pass an English essay test-out exam. This was difficult for me, because the test was read independently by two English professors (professionals, the gods of word and thought) and there were a few personal comments on the quality of my writing. Derogatory comments. This is a particularly difficult situation for someone who takes their writing so seriously, but doesn't have any publications to wave in anyone's face like, "See, you're WRONG! I have published X number of short stories, X number of books, and have been reviewed in the New York Times! Eat this, you conservative, rule-loving doctorates!" Eventually, I managed to feel better about this by consoling myself that they rejected my essay, not my novel. I never claimed to be a world-class essayist--I just wanted to get into an advanced English class early.

4. After I lost the aforementioned chapter, I was so heartbroken that I could barely type out my daily quota of writing. Ok, I'll admit it. For a while, I didn't write at all: I just stayed stuck on one of my least favorite scenes, staring at the still autumn landscape, the pond that rippled in the breeze, and a sneakily camouflaged cabin that was empty, so empty...

But things are looking up! That was last week, and this week will be fresh and new, full of fantastic possibilities! Now, if I could only write one more page...